hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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