So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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