I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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