Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
