I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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