Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
