I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
