"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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