Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
