I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
