I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
