NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize