I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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