when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
