How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
