I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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