he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
