Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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