one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
