from now on my penis is your penis
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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