I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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