2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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