I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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