ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
