just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
