How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
