Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So vagazzling was a success
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
