Swine flu. Run for my life!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
