Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
