Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
