So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
