no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just want nice things and good sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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