Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
