he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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