I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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