..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
