This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
