Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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