Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Operation Purity has been aborted
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
