a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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