420 ftw
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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