he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
