Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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