my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
