@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
