Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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