the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
