My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize