If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
