1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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