guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
