How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
