you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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