Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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