she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
