My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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