u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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