If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
