Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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