this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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