My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
