i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The air was thick with penises
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
