So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
