it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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