i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize