I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize