I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
