I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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